I've lived most of my life inside of a small box containing things I'm comfortable doing and avoiding everything from the outside that makes me uneasy. There was one point in my life when I felt the most fearless and bold to step out and do regular things without letting fear overtake obedience. That time was when I had fully fallen before God as a hopeless desperate teen. I believe that God's power was able to transform me so much because of how weak I was. My life was at a point where I wanted it to end and I had nothing to look forward to, I had been completely thrown outside my box without a choice of the regular comforts that made me feel safe. When God renewed me I put my eyes almost fully on Him for a time because I recognized how weak I was, how hopeless I was, and how strong, powerful and amazing He is. I knew and experienced that "His power is made perfect in weakness"( 2 Corinthians 12). Many people around me recognized this change and a few expected it to end sooner and go back to the way it was. Some told me it wouldn't last and that I shouldn't get caught up in the feelings of it all because it would go away and then I'd have to learn to press on without being built off of emotions. This is true to en extent, I did experience a downfall of emotions and boldness yet I would not say that was supposed to happen without taking responsibility.
I didn't start "losing the spiritual high" until I started focusing more on my life in the world rather than living day to day with an eternal mindset. It is true we should not base our relationship with Christ off of an emotional experience enforced or created by man... such as lights, smoke, a better sounding worship team etc. All those things can make you feel temporary emotions that might not actually be you and God connecting. But if you have a complete heart change and step out in repentance daily, giving as much as comes to mind up to God with the proper heart, then don't listen to the voices telling you it won't last. Focus on you and God and your surrender. I spent too many days doubting and worring that it would all fade and go back to the way it was; that my gifts and changed heart would change and turn corrupt again. In the end I allowed things like that as well as distractions of this life come before me and God and slowly diminished His power in me.
I don't doubt my salvation in those moments of weakness but I do know from experience that a fully surrendered heart leads to fruit and when distractions and doubt creep in the fruit dries up little by little. God doesn't take His love and gifts from His people who are seeking after Him with their full hearts. We often chose the other path of chasing the world and God at the same time, causing it to seem like He is not always evident in our lives.
Lately many things have been revealed to me that I never recognized as idols until now, as I got a better view of the world around me. I've been looking more at the Bible and Christian's from third world countries out of curiosity in finding out why their faith seems so much stronger than ours in america. I've always heard stories about demons and miracles in other countries but was never interested in hearing about it because those things seem foreign and sometimes not of God so it can be a scary thing to look into. My pastor once said in a sermon "just because we don't know how to do those things doesn't make them less real", something along the lines of saying that because we might not know what casting demons out etc. looks like doesn't mean it is any less from God or something that He has called gifted people to do. Through looking at poor desperate Christian's around the world I realized how many things might be holding me back from experiencing the fullness of Gods power in me. We truly live in a country where we either are shopping addicts, obcessed with appearance, self care, makeup clothes, over eating, money, entertainment and recognition. There is an endless list of things that we are blessed in having which often turns into us relying on God less and ourselves more.
Many days we are not waking up crying out to God letting His name be lifted up above all else. We live life often low in spirit wanting to grow closer to God but not knowing how, trying to pray but nothing happens, reading the word but it seems like a chore. Churches often make these things sound normal and ok and minimize the connection that we are capable of having with God by not addressing the areas of sin that might be holding us back. God truly gives spiritual gifts to His children when they are walking in repentance filled with the spirit and though it is not good to idolize gifts or obsess on them, I do think we need to start trying to examine our lives further and use every good and perfect gift for the kingdom of God. I no longer want to be held back by vanity and conceit that our country specifically pours into us on a day to day basis, because I believe it truely is an idol disguised as "good things" that cause there to be a gap between us and God.
Philippians 2:3-4New International Version
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Comments